20 May 2015

Crave You


When you're getting over someone you get to this point were you get this weird craving for them.  Then you check their social media outlets.  See what their updates are.  Then the craving is gone.  What is that?

It's not like you want to talk to them or even miss them being around.  You just want to know what their doing and how their doing it.  Like just watching that person getting a snack out of the fridge would be enough.  Then I'd climb out of my peeping Tom tree and go home and wonder what mom had on the dinner table. 

No, this doesn't happen everyday.  Less and less often does it occur now.  Sometimes I find myself on Instagram because that's where I can find the previous heartache.  I can't remember the last time I was on that one...now.

I guess the weird part is remembering how much you cared.  How much time was spent thinking about that person...what am I doing with that time now?  Duh, catching up on Nurse Jackie.  Crying over the end of Betty Draper.  And laughing about the fact that Josh Gad will never reach the Billy Crystal level.  (I would also add something about Game of Thrones here but I know how crazy those peeps are about spoilers.)

But that caring has flat-lined.  You don't feel it when you read a status or see a picture.  It's just a picture, with a person in it.  It's just a egotistical status, pretending like people care what your next move is.  It's a weird realization that they still exist.  You still exist.  And you both seem to be breathing.

Sexy Makeup

I'm very fortunate.  During the summer, I get to work outside and have the pleasure of being poolside more often than not.  However, I'm Casper and the sun in my mortal enemy.  Every year I make the same joke: my skin-tone goes from florescent to LED.  That one always brings in the laughs.  To get to my point, this week I've been stocking up on 'summer essentials'.  Being a girl, this includes a serious array of travel friendly makeup.  And most of you have already made the deduction that I am exceedingly boring, that also includes the makeup department.  Being a fan of neutral tones is an understatement.  When I first started blogging, it was about makeup.  I quickly came to the realization that makeup is a little boring and money is unfortunately an object for me.  (I will explain the full transition of my ways on a later date, feels a little preachy still.)  Back to the point...

I bought this travel friendly Too-Faced palette that's very well known in the beauty community: Too-Faced Natural Eyes.  This includes a good mix of mattes and shimmers and blah, blah, blah...I'm not reviewing the damn thing.  It's the names of the colors that are making me feel nervous.  At my job, I have a position where subordinates are involved, and this palette feels like it's infringing on the sexual harassment policy.  Yes, the sexual harassment policy.  In finding this issue, I have come up with a solution as to explain each color in a non-sexual way...oh my!  (Was that a 50 shades joke?)

Heaven: Heaven is a pure and innocent place. (bam!)
Cashmere Bunny: Stuffed animals made with super nice fabric are super cuddly.  (pow!)
Sexpresso: That cake 'better than sex cake', an espresso that's better than sex!  (wham!)
Silk Teddy: Teddy bears were named after our president Theodore Roosevelt.  (kapow!)
Push-Up: Exercising every day is really good for your body.  (bang!)
Erotica: Literature grows the mind.  (whoosh!)
Nudie: Nudie is a jean company.  JEANS ARE CLOTHES!  (thud!)
Honey Pot: Winne the Pooh loves honey, honey from a honey pot.  (crash!)
Chocolate Martini: Everyone loves shaped chocolate; martini is just another shape.  (boom!)

So there you have it!  If you ever need something de-sexualized, you know who to come to!

17 May 2015

Ron Weasley

I got out of the shower and there you were.  Conveniently close to my towel.  I shudder and shake, thinking of all the escape routes that can be made while standing naked in a shower.  I coach myself out by pushing the curtain closer to you and making my way out, keeping the curtain between.  I stare at you, finally in my towel, trying to breathe calmly.  Looking around, I can't decide on something that not only is heavy or long enough to reach and kill you without my worry.  I race out of the room, closing the door behind, I wouldn't want you getting away after all.  I pick up a known killer, a winter boot.  Working on my breathing again, I open the door and there you are, in the same spot I left you.  I'm a little disappointed you didn't move, mostly because it would've saved us both a lot of trouble.  But I imagine, you aren't that clever.  I stand over you with my boot in my hand, ready.  My whole body squeamishly rejecting every move I try to make towards you.  I'm working on my breathing again.  And then that feeling kicks in.  The one that claims that 'one day I will live alone and have no one to do this for me' or 'girls need to be their own heros'.  So I think about how my ideal hero would act in this situation, and I murder you with my blue winter boot.

11 May 2015

Dear Someone

It's a strange thing to realize that I haven't been in a serious relationship before.  Looking at my past and just my interactions with people over the years, it really does make sense why.  I grew up in a household where we were more concerned with how others viewed us; so from the outside, we couldn't be more perfect.  But as we all know, perfection comes with a price.  I think this is what started my extremely reserved behavior towards people, and also my lack of trust.  I've always wanted people to look at me and think: "She's got it all figured out."  Having that predisposition stopped me from experiencing many things, because I was just so overly concerned about the image I was portraying.  There are now countless things in my life that have taken a hard turn, causing me to reevaluate my previous ways of dealing with everyday life.  There's no doubt in my mind however, that I still struggle with some issues mentioned.

Back to the serious relationship bit, I've met someone.  I don't know much about this someone; we haven't even been talking that long, obviously.  It's just the first time where I have honestly felt like I wanted to be in a full-time relationship.  The kind that takes work and isn't just fooling around.  The kind you tell your family about and actually have concrete thoughts about the future.   When we met, that was the first thing he said he wanted.  It took me off guard, and scared me.  But I also know I scare very easily in these situations, so this isn't something new.  Do I think this specific guy I'm talking to will be my first big girl relationship?  I'm not entirely sure, mostly because I've been so independent for so long, it hasn't been something I pictured.  However, even if this guy doesn't end up being that guy, I'm grateful that he got me thinking about my future in a more positive and social light.  That I'm picturing someone being there with me in my future, it's all new.

09 May 2015

Blurred Bliss

Thirsty Thursday's most common statements made to one another:
Me: "If you want me around, I'll be around."
You: "Where did you come from?"  "You're so cute."  "You think that's funny?"

I'm starting to realized that drunken nights are the closest thing I will ever get to a Cinderella story.  This is mostly due to the fact that when guys get drunk they slur the most overused sentiments and gape at every sound you make.   There's something about the excessive compliments that somehow stops being cheesy and becomes attractive.  This is when most people chime in and say that's the alcohol talking.  I think they're wrong.  

I'm an overly insecure person (just like everyone else).  Hearing a compliment reassures me, for only a second.  Hearing different compliments that ultimately mean the same thing, makes me feel pretty.  Who doesn't want to feel pretty?  So I'll roll my eyes when you say something close to overzealous, but trust me when I say: I will remember what you said, how you said it, and the impact it made on me.


Drinking tonic after poison is the hardest to swallow.
You gently offered the poison.
They force the tonic.
You wanted me to fall.
They want me to rise.
You told me to only take a little at a time.
They tell me to chug.
You promised I would go unhurt.
They know the promise of ultimate pain.
You didn't let me finish the bottle.
They made sure it was empty.
You disappear.
They stay.

07 May 2015


I going to run away today.
"Wah Wah Wah Wah" 
Where am I going to go?
"Wah Wah Wah" 
Do I have to know right now?
"Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah"  
But I'm running away.
"Wah Wah Wah Wah"  
Why are you making me plan it out?