22 June 2015

It's All Just Words



Your words are all you have.
When you flip and twist and turn them,
they are no longer yours.
It's just becomes syllables that you probably said together.

Your words are all you have.
When you repeat me, 
you're not you.
They say we are the same but in this matter we disagree.

Your words are all you have.
When you find yourself questioning your process,
remember where you started.
The facts can help change what you once believed.

Your words are all you have.
So why are you rearranging yours?


It is better to be hated for what one is, than loved for what one is not.​ — AndrĂ© Gide

21 June 2015

Intranet

This massive weight is festering were my lungs are suppose to hang.
I feel myself wanting to cry but unable to think.
Unable to see.  
Unable to hear.
My limbs feel useless and my head feels heavy.
I'm suppose to believe that you are on my side.
But I forget how business works.
That's my own flaw.
I'm gone.
I can't believe that this is the life I'm living.
I can't believe that this is the way you want things.
I can't believe I let myself trust again.
The pain of knives going through my torso is real.
They're there.

18 June 2015

Carry On

If I had a secret to give, I'd give it to you.  I feel like you'd keep it close, put it in your carry on.  Let it take that little pocket in the front that nobody uses.  But you'll use it, for my secret.  There it will stay all snug next to your most prized possessions, so close to them it's like my secret is one too.  In the beginning, you remember it's existence constantly, pulling it out and admiring.  It's not long before you get a little busier however, losing precious time you use to fill with it.  But there are shinier and more interesting secrets in the world, you even admit it.  My secret still keeps its spot on your carry on.  Time passes even more.  Oh the adventures your carry on has followed you on; you notice its increase in weight and even size due to your newest collector's items.  You have to travel lighter you say.  Pawing through, you come across a secret you have kept oh-so-close on every adventure.  It's tired looking, worn from it's travels with you.  But it's still there.  You feel sad seeing it.  You feel flashbacks making their way through like an old fashioned slide show.  One you can stop from time to time to not only admire whose in the photo, but the story behind it.  You hold my secret to your chest.  And put it back where it belongs, in the front pocket of your carry on.

28 May 2015

Death of a Conversation



Awkwardness is the absolute worst.
I want to talk to you but I don't know what to say.
I think you might be doing the same thing.
We always find each other right next to one another.
I say something on the sarcastic point.
You laugh it off and don't offer a comeback.
And then we just sit there.
Just sitting.
Sitting.
Sittin.
Sitti.
Sitt.
Sit.
Si.
S.
.

26 May 2015

Preface


italian-luxury:

Porto Katsiki Beach, Greece by Been Around 


I don't think I see you enough.
I think I could run into you more often.
Maybe as often as I think of you.
Would that be alright?
Is this a crush?
I'm not quite sure yet.
I just want you around, all the time.
I make breakfast; I want you to eat it with me.
I go to the gym; I want to work-out with you.
I do my hair; I want you to see how good I look.
I don't know what this is.
But I want you there.

24 May 2015

She

I'm feeling very disoriented today.  I've got these mad memories going about in my head.  All of them the best ones of you.  I've been under a lot of stress these past couple of days.  It's my own doing of course.  I wig myself out all the time.  But for some reason, I'm finding comfort in you.  I'm trying to think back to the way I was feeling before it all started, was I super stressed then?  If so, maybe this is just a weird regression.  Going back to something that comforted me in dark times.  I like paging through them; they really are a nice bit of you.  But it's putting me in a confusion spin that suddenly makes me want to say your name, out loud.  I can't.  You're long gone.  And I'm beginning to change myself.  In all honesty it hasn't been that long, but I'm turning back into the girl that makes the best decisions for herself.  Unfortunately, you never met that girl.  She can sometimes be a bit of a buzz kill when it comes to going out, but she's my favorite gym buddy.  She makes the best breakfasts and always makes sure to get a good nights sleep.  She's a firm believer in giving everyone a million chances to prove themselves, even if she's been let down.  She's obsessed with fun facts, which makes her a bit of a know it all; but I bet she can tell you every bone in the body without hesitation.  She's loud, and her laugh is something you'll never forget.  She also has great taste in television.  I really like her; she knows what's best.  But unfortunately, you will probably never meet that girl. 

20 May 2015

Crave You

http://vincentdesailly.tumblr.com


When you're getting over someone you get to this point were you get this weird craving for them.  Then you check their social media outlets.  See what their updates are.  Then the craving is gone.  What is that?

It's not like you want to talk to them or even miss them being around.  You just want to know what their doing and how their doing it.  Like just watching that person getting a snack out of the fridge would be enough.  Then I'd climb out of my peeping Tom tree and go home and wonder what mom had on the dinner table. 

No, this doesn't happen everyday.  Less and less often does it occur now.  Sometimes I find myself on Instagram because that's where I can find the previous heartache.  I can't remember the last time I was on that one...now.

I guess the weird part is remembering how much you cared.  How much time was spent thinking about that person...what am I doing with that time now?  Duh, catching up on Nurse Jackie.  Crying over the end of Betty Draper.  And laughing about the fact that Josh Gad will never reach the Billy Crystal level.  (I would also add something about Game of Thrones here but I know how crazy those peeps are about spoilers.)

But that caring has flat-lined.  You don't feel it when you read a status or see a picture.  It's just a picture, with a person in it.  It's just a egotistical status, pretending like people care what your next move is.  It's a weird realization that they still exist.  You still exist.  And you both seem to be breathing.